I am writing this blog from the parking lot of Mercy Hospital in Gilbert, Arizona where lately I spend most of each day. I do this so that I can be close to my son, Tim, who is on the second floor in critical condition. He is fighting pancreatitis, renal failure and COVID 19.
I spend my time texting him, updating family members and friends, doing prayer walks around the hospital, and working as much as my concentration will allow.
Today, during a walk around the beautiful gardens here, I realized that I am learning a little bit about mental and emotional endurance and how to “fight the good fight of faith” in terrifying times. A question from the Apostle Paul popped into my mind as I lamented my fatigue and helplessness: “And who is equal to such a task?”
I looked it up and here it is in context: “But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of Him everywhere. For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task?” (2 Corinthians 2:14-16)
I was encouraged by the phrase, “captives in Christ’s triumphal procession” - how cool is that kind of captivity? God holds us captive in Christ’s victory march so that He may use us to spread the aroma of Jesus. Wow.
The reason I was asking, “And who is equal to such a task?” Is that I feel so helpless and exhausted; I feel like a man with no spiritual or emotional power.
As I reflected on this during that walk, I began to sing praise to God. I began to confess His sufficiency and power. I began to boast that He is more powerful than sickness and even death. I began to worship Him. I began to fix my eyes on Him alone, and gaze upon Him.
It strikes me that this is the big advice I would give if you, too, are fighting a good fight right now. If all you can do is control what you stare at, do it and stare at Him.
When I stare at my son being on a COVID floor without a visitor for days, or doing dialysis, or gasping for breath because he decided to stand up - when I stare at those things, I get very discouraged and afraid.
But when I stare at Jesus and begin to proclaim to myself, to Tim’s sick body, and to God, the goodness and power of God; when I begin to tell Tim’s sickness to go back from whence it came and I call upon the Holy Spirit to comfort and counsel Tim in the absence of his wife and family - then my entire being changes, too.
At the same time I ask, “Who is up to such a task?” And, “Who can ever defeat my good God and loving Savior?” I live in the tension of these realities by the grace of God and I fix my eyes on Jesus.
Just after writing that sentence, I got another medical update with both good and bad news.
That means it is time to do some more fighting. Time for another walk. Maybe you need one, too.